Never mind....

                                                     Petes Fundrazr Page - please check it out!!


I feel like I should be saying,

"Forgive me Father, for it's been two months since my last confession".

However, I'll just say I'm so sorry that I'm so crap at this!

Every time I begin to write my brain turns to blancmange and I just want to shut my eyes and sleep.

However, there is lots to say...

It's been a bittersweet couple of days.

The bitter part being that today I can call myself a midwife no more. That's it. All over.

I knew that it was coming. I couldn't do the job anymore and wasn't the kind of midwife I wanted to be. Not for a while really. I'd been sobbing on and off all day. The 'hearing' consisted of some maternity managers and HR people. As lovely as everybody was there was no softening what was happening. Even though I knew I was there for my contract to be terminated, when somebody kindly asked if there was anything else management could have done for me the tears came, and they came and they came.

Now, I have in the past been accused of being hard faced at times. I certainly wouldn't be taking crap from anybody and I still don't cry easily but since gaining disability I'm so grateful. Grateful for help, for acts of kindness and support.

That solitary sentence, conveyed with a look of compassion got me good and proper. So I cried all the way home and then some. In fact, I was actually enjoying a good old cry, only just stopping short of a pitiful wail.

So that's it. Sayonara, arrivederci, adieu midwifery - it was real, and MS, you're a fecker!

The sweet is all of the amazing people who are fundraising for my treatment in India.

Everyday I wait for my brothers message on FB letting us know that he's made it through another run without his knee going or his septic toe bursting - lovely. He's doing amazingly well. I have to say that he's taking a risk here because only a slight improvement for me would mean that I'm back to dancing him under the table!! I'm so proud and grateful to you Pete, the stars were aligned the day I landed up with you as a brother.

My friend Nicky ran for a whole 24 hours, overnight! She covered a mahoosive 80 miles and raised a load of money for me. I think she may even come to India for a week with our friend Karen. Could have been the wine talking but I haven't forgotten ladies!

Next week we have the charity fundraising dinner at the Vale Golf Club meaning I have to put on a posh dress! Organised by my lovely friend Jenny Powell, my partner Paul and other friends. Looking forward to it, it'll be a great night.

Wendy Wood and Alex Pickard have organised what can only be described as an extravaganza. A charity night with disco/karaoke, auction and raffle. Face painting for kids and so much more.

Anthony Parkin is doing a skydive which is amazing. Will be sharing his info so please look out.

My sister Emma is going to be shaving her head with me shaving the first strip (mwahahaha!) and her friend Amy Fleckney is kindly doing a skydive. Thanks Amy!!

I reckon I'm on track for August in Bangalore and it's thanks to all of you.

So it's 4.30am and I can't sleep at all. My heads buzzing. I'm enjoying some music and my melancholy mood.

Do you know what I'm listening to??

Sleep don't visit, so I choke on sun

And the days blur into one

And the backs of my eyes hum with things I've never done'

Answers on a postcard!!