A very poignant parcel arrived for me this week. Midwives up and down the UK were probably receiving the same thing.
It was an attempt by Pregnacare via the Royal College of Midwives to get Midwives to promote their products and along with loads of promotional leaflet bumpf was a very useful pair of scissors!
A nice tourniquet is always a more welcome freebie Pregnacare. Those disposable things they are making us use now are awful. Next time may be...
It served as another reminder of a career by the wayside. I'm surprised at how upset it made me really.
On a daily basis I'm quite at peace with the decisions I've had to make regarding work. There is no way I could carry on. It was dangerous quite frankly.
But, this little parcel sent me on a journey of nostalgia.
Being on call is just one of those things that you have to accept when you work in community. Going to bed with the bleep beside you hoping and praying that it doesn't go off because you're tired. Then waking every hour wondering if you've missed a bleep or whether you brought it to bed in the first place...
When it does go off it's much better to be called to a planned home birth. It's all planned out and you and the woman know how things are going to go (hopefully!). When the times right you call the second midwife on call and you both help to deliver a life in to the world, perfect!
However, things can be different when you get called to an emergency. You have no idea what you are going to until you get there. Thankfully there is always an ambulance crew there too. They get to blue light while we have to stick to the speed limit so they are always there first.
It brought to mind one call I went to that I always remember very fondly...
Bleep goes off so I ring ambulance control. Go to this address, ambulance on way.
The village I had to go to had no lighting so I was grateful that the ambulance was there, blue lights guiding me in. The adrenaline is racing for me as I have no idea what's going to greet me as I walk through the door.
A paramedic lets me in and I get upstairs. There I find a woman in the full swing of labour and I can tell just by looking at her that she's fine. An unexpected quick labour but all is well.
After all the necessary checks I examine her and she is very close to delivery. There is no time to go to hospital and this an unplanned homebirth to be.
The paramedics stay until the placenta is delivered to make sure there is no risk of bleeding but once this is confirmed it's just me, the woman, her husband and their new baby.
When I left, all three were snuggled up in bed with mum and baby breastfeeding.
I remember driving home, it was summer and at 4am the sun was just showing it's face. I got home, had a shower and crawled in to bed for a couple of hours before the kids got up, feeling very content about a good nights work. My partner stirs and says that he's really impressed and proud of what I do. Ahh....
I miss this, I miss meeting women in clinic with their second or third pregnancies. Spending time at home with them and helping them through the baby blues. Just being there..
Having HSCT isn't going to get me my career back but I'm hoping that in the future I can volunteer somewhere. I don't know, but what I have found out about myself is that there is an innate need for me to 'care' for people in some way. Even just lend a friendly ear and MS is making it impossible for me to even be a decent friend.
So once again, I'm very grateful to everybody for every little bit of help I receive.
And midwives, whether you are based in a unit or in community, never forget that you make such a difference to women everyday you work and that your words make for a good or bad experience for that family.
I know it's hard and you are run ragged with the extra pressure and paperwork consistently raining down on you from the powers that be, but you know what? I'd give anything to be in your shoes...
Still, lifes a bitch. I have to tread a new path now. I have no idea where I'm going after India so I hope that the destination is as exciting as my journey through HSCT is going to be!
Speak soon xxxx
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